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Personally am hungry for wisdom from others regarding managing life’s midpoint hurdles, for example deep inner questions, diminishing importance, growing a neck akin to a surrealist painting along with a recent enthusiasm regarding sunny relocation programs. Recently, I came across the chef’s comments on turning 50 during a chat: “To thrive in life’s later stages, you must cut out distractions,” he explained. “Spend time with positive individuals. I steer clear of downbeat types – ‘energy vampires’ – and am learning to decline more often.”

Initially, I wondered: isn’t there a tension about evading pessimists and honing one’s rejection skills? Might that suggest he must escape his own nature? I know – it’s exactly the kind of thing a mood hoover would say, and that’s because I am one. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Steer clear of labels like “killjoy” or “buzzkill” – equating us to mundane objects hurts; we do experience emotions (even if they’re mostly bleak). If forced, I’d agree to “gloomy soft cover”.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? Does your detailed response to “How are you?” have your interlocutor edging away uncomfortably? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Can you relate deeply to pessimistic characters; has an intuitive ever described your energy as dull?

Should this ring true, welcome to the club, and it’s fine. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. I reckon a mood hoover would have said something discouraging – or at least made a slug-swallowing face – when Jamie described his plan to write a kids’ book with an Australian First Nation main character without consulting Indigenous communities, which could have prevented a whole lot of problems, upset and offence. That level of honest feedback is rare among “upbeat” individuals.